A good friend passed away

It's been almost two months since a very good friend of mine passed away. I'll have to admit, there were times back then that I regret. For example, I sometimes was too busy, to atleast say "HI".. or.. When he texted and all i thought was "uh, it's him again!" But, he's one of the nicest person I knew. He's like a big brother, that you can rely on. Just that, sometimes, we couldn't really know how important a person is until he/she is gone.
When I first heard the news, on Thursday night, I couldn't stop crying.
My close friend, called from Australia. She's the one who informed me first. All I could say was "for real? Are you serious?" and we shared our tears. He was involved in a hit-and-run. The driver who hit him managed to escaped. Remembering how he used to drive, all I thought was he must be driving really fast, and didn't manage to turn the wheel. I decided, I need to went back to Surabaya. At first I really wanted to be there just as soon as possible. But my sister calmed me down, and at the end I took the Saturday flight.
I went to the memorial on Saturday night, and saw his family. His mom looks really pale. It must be really devastating for them. It just break my heart :(
He was buried on Sunday morning, with only few classmates attending. I was his junior, but I felt that I need to pay my respect.
I never said to him how much I appreciate him. He was a kind person. He had a great faith, and really active in church. He had a crush on a girl, but that girl had a boyfriend already, yet he's still in touch. He had a girlfriend after that, but things were not well, and they broke up.
That day, his friend told me that actually he still had a crush on the first girl. It felt so bad, to knew that he wasn't "lucky" in relationships.
That day, I learned a lot of things about him. How indeed he was a good brother, how he has a passion to bring his family to Christ. The latest news I know, his sister is joining a church :)
I would say, there is still a part of me that felt bad. I never said how much I appreciate him when I had the chance. I could easily remember those time when me and my friend "mocked" him, make jokes on him, and laughed with him (because he's accepting it), but I couldn't remember when I told him that he's doing a good job. He is a good senior, a good leader, and ofcourse a good friend.
As for now, I still miss him sometimes, but I'm thankful that I had the chance to know him. I'm looking forward to meet him again one day in heaven :)
The lesson I learn are, be thankful with the people God put around you, whether it's your family, your friends, your colleague, your church friend, simply everyone. Be thankful that you're still alive.
You are God's beloved, be sure to share the love with people surrounds you!

Reflections of (almost) 22 years living life in earth

I wrote this because I just realize, it's almost 22 years since I was born. I am still figuring what my role in this huge world.

I warned you, this would be probably boring. It's basically the summary of my life, and the lesson I learnt.
Please leave comment :)
I started life in a very wealthy family, or atleast I think so, we never had no money. I always get anything I wanted. Parties in McD, or KFC, or anywhere I wanted to during my birthday. Going out with friends every saturday. Going to my dad's office, and ask for noodle, or any food I love. Going for homestay/vacation abroad.

I live in a very glamour life.. I stayed at Ungaran, which is a small city, and our family is quite well-known. If you said my dad's name at that time, most probably they know who you're looking for. He has a good reputation at our city, even when those people from goverment came, they/the assistant would mostly look for my dad, to borrow his car. When I think about it now, I guessed I must be very happy as a kid. I remember comparing my self to friends at my elementary school. I was quite arrogant, I guess. But I did manage to do some good deed. I remember helping some people paying of their tuition (even though it's paid with my parent's money).. I guessed at that time I just simply thought the money would never run off.

Until.. 1998, the economy was bad. My dad's company started to have problems, and suddenly it's all ended with a huge problem. Some one sued my dad, and the world started to tremble down. Yet, at that time, I just realize how strong my mom is. She didn't divorce him, inspite of everything that happen. It was really a bad memory for me, and I couldn't share it here. I'ld just simply say, at that time, crying was almost my daily activity. I cried when my mom n my sis are not around. I put on my mask and act happy infront of them.

Till one day, I think, my mom went to this pastor who stayed above our house. And don't know how, I ended to be there with her. And I just can't ressist crying infront of them. Missing my dad too much I guessed.
So we went to see him, though I can't enter because I'm too small. But I remember, that time, I was a bit relieve.
Another positive thing is that, what my dad has been through, bring him closer to God. And I guess this is the foundation of the existance of my faith.
 
After several days (1 or 2 months, I guessed), my dad is back at home. Life is hard for us, but we're surviving. And we move to Semarang, a bigger city compared to Ungaran. My life is never be the same. We struggle trough life as the factory is in a bad conditions, and at the end need to give everything out. Leaving my parents with only our current house, and everything else is under mortage on bank.

We've been through those instant noodle days, where we have nothing to eat besides instant noodles. Again, I was so glad that my mom could stay cold-headed despite the hardness they suffer. At that time, I was in Junior High. I sort-of become "straight a" student, aiming for the best in my class, and kind of separate me from my previous friends. I make other friends, but I don't think I could talk as convinient as I used to be with my elementary school friends. Life changes me, changes my mind on the life it self.

Highschool time, life is still hard.. haha.. But God is good, somehow each time we need money, he simply give us in his outrangeous way. I manage to have a sweet seventeen birthday party, in a hugh new hotel, with friends, and I was happy. At that time, our school held a music concert, we invite some singers from Jakarta, the event went well. As they realize it was my birthday, they even sang for me after the concert done. I was happy. I felt important. Then some of them went to my birthday as well. I was happy. Very happy. Super happy. Proud of my self. After all those gone, i just felt silly. Totally waste of money.. sigh.. I never learnt from what life has thought me. One of the things I could take note, is that sometimes people would do anything for you, if you have money. On the other hand, if you have money, you do have to think how to spend it WISELY. I failed.

So I graduated high school, and still suffer the bitterness of how I could silly headed, and still wanted to get a 17th birthday party, and wasted those money. I previously applied to several universities abroad. Got invited to a univ in Sydney, but I thought that it was another bad univ that would give you letter of acceptance if you have money.

I also got rejected in two univ in Singapore, NTU and NUS. I guessed I didn't do well in the entrance exam. Though I manage to meet the NTU prof, and ask for another chance, but ungranted. If I got it that easily, then there will be lots of student with same case at mine, it wouldn't be fair, right?

So I went to Surabaya instead. And study chemical engineering at UBAYA. During the orientation, I got the news that I'm accepted at the government university, as doctor. I never wanted to be a doctor. I can't stand the feeling that someone's life is at your hand. I won't be able to do anything if there is an emergency case. So, why did I even try the test? Simply to prove my self. I would say, I hate the admins at that university, who say that chinesse like me, won't be able to be accepted to their univ. Besides that, I guessed I must be hurt badly by the rejections from NTU and NUS, and I just need to prove that I'm smart.. Or maybe to prove that I'm as good as my cousin  who's studying medicine in government univ too.

My dad ask me if I wanted to enter the medicine school instead of chem eng. He said, it's okay to let go the money which we have paid to UBAYA. But I made my decision, I just stick at chem eng.
Uncles and aunties called. They thought that it was a silly decision, and some even wonder whether it's my dad's will that I went to UBAYA instead of the government univ. I tried to explained to them.

So four years I struggle during my bachelor degree. Ups and downs, I manage to sometimes get scholarship. Grateful for it. There were times when our family didn't have money, and yet God provided the scholarship, so we could survive. There were times I questioned why oh why I choose chem eng. But seeing it now, I felt blessed. It was all good.

I made friends, knew people's characteristic, and even changes lot. I first is a selfish girl, ask my friend, they'ld say so! I hope they think i'm better now :) I'm still moody, but a lot better :) I even manage to be an tutor/assistant, and learnt emosion control.. haha.. 4 years changes me!
Now I'm in NTU, I am marvelled, how God's way is beyond my imagination. 

I always dream to go abroad, US is a dream country for me.. haha.. But I don't think I will ever go there, even only for vacation, due to our economic condition..  God's way is not my way. I got accepted in NTU, and they sent me to study in Stanford. It is one of the best univ in the world, and I wouldn't think i will ever study there. Too expensive, too demanding, too presticious, and many other reason. I survived 2 months in stanford, manage to get gpa 3.5 from 4. Even got the chance to enjoy LA, Hollywood, Universal Studio, and San Francisco with my friends. And now I'm studying at NTU, who was previously reject me, but now giving scholarship to me. God plays in the weirdest way!

What I learnt from these almost 22 years is:

1. I have to rely my life on God. He should be number 1, numero uno! I should be grateful!
2. I need to learn more from my parents. How my dad teaches us, and make us how we're now. How my mom kept her faith and stand with my dad during the heavy time.
3. All that I am now, its not because of my own strength. My friends changes me. My parents encouraging me. And My God is taking care of me in His hand!
4. Failures are always there. Troubles will always exist. But it's how we responds to it will let us to a better life..

I wonder what the life will bring me in another 5 year. Where will I be then....

What did live taught you? Share your story..

Be Thankful, Could You?

I'm currently doing my final assignments, and in the chem.eng. department at my college, we have to do a final assignment about designing a factory and also a research.. Well, the deadline is coming soon, and actually some of my friends had done both, so they will graduate this march.. For me, it's a weird situation.. I always considered my self as at above the average, but now, I was beaten! The fastest I could do is probably on May.. a egoistic side of me started to grow..
I started to think all the "what if" question.. What if I don't enter chem.eng here? What if I don't choose the factory title? What if I entered economy? What if.. What if.. What if..
A selfish me..

Then, yesterday, I had a meeting with the lecturers that guide my research. We've actually had a problem. My research is about reducing the color of coffee effluent, using photo-fenton reaction. Every thing was okay, till we discuss the methods. And BUMMM!! She's mad at us! Well, it's our fault, or my fault actually. I missed the word "dilute with water". And she assumed it is the main problem. So, okay, we do a trial again, we run the experiment. And guess what the result is? The same problem appear.. Wondering what she'll said..

Huumm.. But the main thing is, These days, I started to learn, being thankful is a hard thing to do.. It's easy to thank when everything is okay, but what if everything start to go wrong? What will you probably do? Start complaining like me?? Or will you be thankful for the problem?


From the things happened these days..

I wanna thank my best-best friend, C and W for being there.. If I got accepted at NTU, and could make it on time, it's because of them.. If I'm not, I still wanna thank them anyway :) Sorry for not being able to be focus.. And so so so thankful for having you guys as my F.A. partner..
My fam ofcourse is a precious gift from Above, and I do love them, and always thanks God for them..
Also wanna thank my lecturers who guide the research. I know that it would be better for us, finding the problem now.. Even though we haven't found the solution, at least we've find another way which don't caused an effect.. Thanks to S and Y for surviving together at the lab.. For S especially, who got so tired for doing the Total Fe analysis, and still eager to do the calculation together.. Jiayooo..
Thanks for the Lord, He teach me to become better and better every day.. I still have a lot of complains, but He always teach and show me how to be thankful.. :) Hope that I could be a better student in the "thankful" major..